Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
we're so committed to being not committed
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
