Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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