apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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