If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
