I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
