Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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