wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
