you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
