Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
