I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
