And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
