I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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