You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My pussy is not your playground.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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