i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
