There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
