So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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