I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
