You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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