I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Boobs speak an international language.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
