guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
