I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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