Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Randomize
