wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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