I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
