dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
