this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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