I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
