What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
