there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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