I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
can u get pink eye on your cock?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
