my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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