I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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