We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
