are you still at the devil's house?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
