you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
