Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
