Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
