wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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