Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
