I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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