Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
