walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
