Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
