I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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