It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
