I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
