bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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