you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It's Friday. Sex?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
