His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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