guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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