Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
